Sunday, January 2, 2011

Marshmallows and Cat Food

So I got the brilliant idea to start taking two exercise classes: Xtend Barre and Piloxing.  They both contain elements of Pilates.  So I need a new pair of exercise pants (my clunk, long snap up Adidas pants are not going to cut it) and a pair of grippy socks.

Apparently, there is only one store in the tri-county area that sells the socks.  And only one store that sells the pants I'm looking for.  I ask you, why weren't they both in the same store?  Ah, yes.  That would make things easy.  But I'm off on a tangent.  This sidetrack brought to you by one glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Off I go to Target to purchase my socks and a few other things.  Everybody and their brother's dog is in line to check out.  Yet, there are only three registers open.  So I stand behind the person who looks the most promising.  She starts putting her stuff on the conveyor belt and it puts it into two purchases.  And she has enough coupons to fill a small school bus.  Wait.  A LARGE school bus.  I look behind me.  There's already a line.  I'm trapped.

The clerk rings up the first purchase.  And the woman scowls, "Um, something didn't ring up correctly.  It's either the marshmallows or [she was mumbling at this point, so I'm not sure - but it's safe to assume it wasn't an Ultra-Health Food]."  The clerk looks back and says, "Well, I'll have to void the payment and see what didn't qualify."  She swipes her card, "It should all qualify.  That was my food purchase."

The line behind me is growing.  People are fidgeting.

So the clerk voids it out.  Hits a few buttons and says, "Ah.  The marshmallows didn't qualify."  This does not please the woman, "They should.  They're a food item."  [Personally, I think that's up for debate.  Just sayin'.] So the clerk hits a few more buttons trying to figure out why, "The system is saying that they are acceptable for the coupon."  "Maybe it wasn't entered correctly.  You know, on your end.  Maybe you did something wrong."

Now, I've worked in retail.  I know how tough it can be.  I know there's things that are harder than most people think.  Scanning things on a conveyor belt is not one of these.  There's really not TOO much you can screw up.  But, apparently, Miss Mary Sunshine does not realize this.

So, the clerk scans the marshmallows again.  And, again, they are not valid for the coupon.  The woman starts waving the coupon, "But they're food!  And from Kraft!"

The people behind me have sent out scavengers for food.  Fires have been started to keep everybody warm.

The clerk is flustered and finally enters in some code to knock the price of the marshmallows down.  10 cents.  This woman got livid over 10 cents.  Seriously, if I had known this I would have reached into my pocket and handed her a dime.

So we get through her first purchase.  I offer the clerk a warm smile and seriously contemplate a fist pump to show solidarity.  I decide, wisely, against it.  She gets through everything and starts to scan the cat food.  The Empress speaks, "All the cat food back there is marked $1.84.  All of it.  If you have to call and send somebody back there and check, that's okay.  I'll wait."

Oh, really?  That's okay because you'll wait?  What about the rest of us, huh?  The line behind you whose population now rivals that of a 3rd World Country?  And it's cat food!  Isn't Mr. Whiskers worth the extra 5 cents?

I swear I hear the clerk whimper as she scans the cat food.  Thankfully, it comes up as $1.84.  I sincerely hope Mr.  Whiskers enjoys his Tuna Medley Surprise.  Although, between you and me, I don't want a Tuna Medley Surprise.  I don't like surprises in my tuna.

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