Thursday, July 28, 2011

Psoriasis and Me

I try not to do this.  I really don't.  It's not something I like to draw attention to, because I have spent so much of my life fighting it.  Forcing people to see me and not just my skin.  For most people, this isn't an issue.  But for me - it is.  I have had some truly horrifying experiences.  I have chronicled a few here.  Honestly, the list could go on.

But that's not my point.

This morning, I was having a lovely morning.  Contemplating what I wanted to post.  Perhaps and amusing chinchilla story or about how much I love thunderstorms.  And then I read this:

Just an article detailing all of the things that can be wrong with you if you are diseased with psoriasis (which, by the way, is just a correlation NOT a causation).  That everything is doom and gloom and there is no cure.  You are as screwed up as you think you are.

Boom.  Morning shot.

For those of you who do not have psoriasis, it may not seem like any big deal.  But, let me tell you, as someone who has had it for 20+ years it was like diving head first into a cold pool of all the negative things anyone has ever said to me about my skin condition.  When I stumbled into the bathroom to put on my make up, the reflection staring back at me was not mine.  It was a woman, yes.  With dark hair, side-swept bangs.  She had my eyes.  A nose that resembled my father's.  But what stood out was her skin.

It looked alright, mostly.  Except along her hairline and beside her nose.  Places where your skin tends to dry out.  Her ears.  In these patches, the skin was a different color.  Pink.  And it made me want to know what happened to her.  That's when I realized - this was me.

Dear God.  Was this the me that people see daily?  Suddenly, I was 12 again.  Fighting the words, "Freak" and "Monster" and "Hideous".  No - I'm not kidding.  I've heard those words in regards to me.  Trust me, people are that cruel.

So I closed my eyes and shook my head.  That wasn't me.  No.  Not the girl who moved out on her own.  Decided to take guitar lessons.  Has taught herself to make some damn complicated desserts.  Can read Spanish from 1492.  Jumped into a management position with no experience.  Who graduated college.  Who had her heart broken and put it back together.  Who battled depression and won.  Who can recite both Shakespeare and George Carlin.

This woman in the mirror was a stranger, defining herself by her skin - she wasn't me.  Not the girl who decided at 16 that she would never let people see just her skin.  And those who do?  Are shallow and not worth her time.

So I opened my eyes.  And that woman in the mirror?  She was gone.

I was back.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

A Bottle of Wine, Some Chocolate, and Disney Movies

I got together with my best friend last night.  It was a nice, low key evening.  We grabbed dinner and then bought a bottle of wine, chocolate, and decided to have a mini Disney movie marathon.  It was bliss.

While we were watching Sleeping Beauty, Amy turned to me and said, "Did you ever notice that in these movies the King and Queen usually only have one child?"

I nodded and took a bite of my chocolate, "But isn't that the point of Sleeping Beauty that she was their only child?"

"Yeah, but if you think about it realistically they would've popped out a whole bunch.  Kids died easy then.  You had to have spares."

"Well, she might have sisters."

Amy settled into the couch, "She could have a brother.  After all, Phillip is clearly the heir to Hubert's kingdom so she still would marry well and inherit all that.  Aurora's a princess after all.  They'd still want her taken care of."

"True.  Although it depends on the type of monarchy.  She could still be the heir to the throne in her kingdom and then they'd combine the two for a honking huge one."

Amy nodded and topped off her glass of wine and offered me the bottle.  I topped off my glass and took a sip.  I leaned back to watch the movie enjoying how nice of an evening it was and thinking that it was criminal we hadn't done this sooner.  I popped a caramel in my mouth.

"You do realize," I said when I was done chewing, "we just analyzed the sociopolitical status of a Disney Princess movie."

Amy took a sip of wine and nodded.

"I think there might be something wrong with us."

She grabbed a chocolate, "Not as much as Maleficent.  Why do the villains live in such crap places?"

I laughed and stretched out on the floor, deciding that if there was something wrong with us I really was content to leave it alone.  After all, that's how you know you're best friends - you have crazy conversations and don't judge the other.  In fact you go along.

And, seriously - why do the villains live in such run-down places?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Small Laugh

So tonight I went to Meijer to pick up stuff for dinner.  Because I was not cooking tonight.

It wasn't anything special - just fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

So as I was going through the self checkout station a coupon printed out for $4 off a Benefiber product.

Touché, coupon machine, touché.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July

Hope everyone is having a FABULOUS Independence Day!

I don't know how the weather is where you are, but it is absolutely gorgeous here.  It's nice, warm, sunny - and - supposed to be clear tonight for fireworks!

Go outside - eat hot dogs and hamburgers.  Grill some chicken.  Have some corn on the cob.  Perhaps listen to a baseball game.  Enjoy a beautiful summer day. Indulge in some ice cream.

In case you're having trouble getting in the spirit (I can't imagine why) listen to this song:

Happy 4th of July!!!