Friday, January 21, 2011

Coldest Day of the Year

My alarm goes off.  I notice that it's cold.  I mean, REALLY cold in my bedroom.  This isn't that much of a shock because it's the coldest room in my apartment.  I contemplate wrapping myself in my blankets like a cocoon and walking out in my living room.

I throw on my bunny slippers and brave the hallway.  Not shockingly, it is a normal temperature.
Not gonna lie - they still make me smile
I check Weatherbug to find out that we're under a Wind Chill Advisory.

How.  Fabulous.

For those who don't know what this means (and, seriously, I'm pretty sure most of you do because you're my friends and family) basically it means that even though it says it's a balmy 0 degrees outside it FEELS like it's 
-25.  Or, basically, like Mr. Freeze walked up and gave you a wicked right hook to the face.

But, I digress.  So I get myself together.  Throw lunch in a bag.  Say goodbye to Norma Jeane (my chinchilla) and open the door.

I'm greeted by a punch of frigid air to the nostrils.  Everything freezes immediately and I utter a string of words that would make a sailor blush.  I walk to my car muttering the whole way about the winter and how much I hate it.  I get into the car put the keys in the ignition and...................nothing.


A whole lot of nothing.

My car is dead. 

No turnover.  Nothing.  


Is it summer yet?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Apartment Living: Things I Love

My alarm went off at 7:00 Monday morning.  Bleary eyed, I stumbled (probably would be wise to put my glasses on in the morning) around gathering clothes and towels and headed into the bathroom.  I reach in to turn on the water and wait a few moments for the water to heat up.  After what seems like an acceptable amount of time, I jump into the shower.

Apparently the hot water heater for the building had gone  blooey.  Yes sir, nothing like a freezing cold shower to wake you up in the morning.  I'm pretty sure The Flash couldn't have washed his hair faster than I did.
Okay, fine.  He might win a hair washing competition...

Shivering, and waiting for hypothermia to set in, I bundled up and got ready to call the management office before I remembered two VERY IMPORTANT things: 1) my phone is broken and 2) they aren't open yet (and, yes, it has escaped my attention that I could walk over there before work when they're open).

After getting dressed I realized that I did not have a hot water heater in my apartment that the whole building (or side of the building) shared one.  I prayed that somebody else would call.  Fortunately - somebody did. I discovered this when I came home from work and had hot water!

But the thing I am most thankful for?  If I owned my own home and the hot water heater went kaput - I would have to pay someone to take care of it.  And stay home.  And not get paid.  Which, really, is just adding insult to injury.  Nobody should have to start a Monday morning with an ice cold shower!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Coping Mechanism

I have two strange ways of dealing with things.

1) If I'm stressed I'll look up planes that are leaving to go somewhere other than here that are leaving in about 2 hours.  I figure that gives me enough time to get to the airport and board the plane. I take it all the way up to actually entering in credit card information.

2) If I'm scared about something, I'll do something else that scares the living daylights out of me.

#2 has served me (and my friends/family) well.  It usually revolves around me whipping up something in the kitchen.  It's how I learned how to make my fantabulous buttercream frosting.  It's why I learned to make meringue.

It is also the reason I have started taking guitar lessons.

You see, I turn 25 this May and it scares the pants off me.  

Guitar lessons now...climbing Mt. Everest when I turn 40!

(Kidding, Mom.  Kidding.)

Sunday, January 9, 2011


I woke up this morning with great plans.

Okay, great as in "huge" not "super-de-duper".  I was going to take down my tree, mostly.  Clean the bejesus out of my kitchen.  Cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Wipe some things of my DVR.  Do laundry.  Some grocery shopping.  I had a full day planned.

And then...I woke up.  Perhaps I should say I was no longer awake.  I felt like I had a miniature man behind my eyelids pounding away with a sledgehammer.

Aw, crap.  A migraine.

I stumbled into the bathroom (because anymore movement would have caused me to be physically ill).  I fished out what I hoped was Excedrin and Advil.  I looked in the mirror.  And my eyes were bloodshot.  I'm talking Natalie Portman in Black Swan red.

Fabulous.  I look like I had a really good time last night.

Honestly, though...those eyes are RED
Which I did - if you count eating a bag of popcorn and falling asleep before SNL even began.

But, I digress.  I choked down the pills and found my way back to bed.  Desperately wishing that this migraine would either miraculously go away OR my head would just explode and end the agony.  Either one would be an acceptable remedy.

I shove my head under my pillow to block out any cracks of light (thanks for that, Venetian blinds) and pray to the heavens that my noisy downstairs neighbors do not start a fight - again - or start blaring techno music.

Luckily, it passed by the time I woke up at 12:30.

And, yes.  My tree is still up.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Pity, Party of 1

So today has been one of those aggravating days where you end up feeling whiny, mopey, and just generally useless.

I do, however, feel a bit better after some chocolate yogurt covered raisins.



I had an entire bag.

Misery loves company, what can I say?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


So, after dredging through my brain trying to come up with a post for today (which mostly resulted in me staring straight ahead and drooling) I decided to surf the internet to get some inspiration.  So, thanks to these HILARIOUS guys - seriously, read their blog - I found it.

Sure, the fashion from this show is lovely but the shoes (by the way, if you like shoes this site is wonderful)!  Oh, lordy.  I love the shoes!  So, without further ado.....drumroll....


Seriously, I could find a reason to wear each and everyone one of these.  Lunch on a yacht.  Shopping.  Going out to dinner.  Washing dishes.  I would take one of each!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Important Lessons

Getting up at 5 in the morning for an exercise class is not happening.

Neither is paying $170 a month for unlimited classes.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Stories from the Front Lines of Retail - January 3, 2011

Where I work we have online customers, in store customers, and phone customers.  Generally speaking, the phone customers are the largest pains in the ass.  Sometimes the in store customers are but, by and large it's the phone customers.

Nowhere is this more true than one particular gentleman who calls from the West Coast (I shall refer to him as WC for the remainder of the post).

It was just your normal, average Monday after the the holidays.  Kinda slow, regular (i.e. intelligent) customers, and no ranting emails from anybody.  Nice.

And then the phone rang.

I felt my throat tighten up when I saw the caller ID "Private Caller".  I knew that it could only be WC.  I groaned.  I contemplated running out the front door and never coming back.  I thought about pretending that I didn't hear the phone ring.  But I answered it.

It takes 5 minutes for lovely WC to get to his first item.  We talk in circles about whether he wants a 4 oz bulk bag or a half cup refill (and, no - they're not the same thing).  I explain, several times, that one is by weight the other by volume.  He says, "I want a 4 oz refill bag".  I say, "Okay, so that's a half cup refill, right?"  "No.  A 4  oz refill."  "Right.  So a 4 oz bulk bag then, yes?"  "As long as it's the 4 oz refill bag."

By the way - you really have to hear his nasally, drawn out voice.  It totally makes the phone call.

Finally, we get to an agreement about the bag.  Then he asks about star anise.  I explain that it's used in Oriental cooking.  He then asks me to explain it's savoriness.

No, folks - I'm not kidding.

I pause and he, sensing my confusion and seething rage, asks to explain the differences between it and clove.  Um...everything?  Anyway, after painstakingly going through the pros and cons of star anise vs clove in cabbage and beet stir fry he decides to go with cloves.

And that, my friends, is about 15 minutes of my life that I'm never going to get back.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Marshmallows and Cat Food

So I got the brilliant idea to start taking two exercise classes: Xtend Barre and Piloxing.  They both contain elements of Pilates.  So I need a new pair of exercise pants (my clunk, long snap up Adidas pants are not going to cut it) and a pair of grippy socks.

Apparently, there is only one store in the tri-county area that sells the socks.  And only one store that sells the pants I'm looking for.  I ask you, why weren't they both in the same store?  Ah, yes.  That would make things easy.  But I'm off on a tangent.  This sidetrack brought to you by one glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Off I go to Target to purchase my socks and a few other things.  Everybody and their brother's dog is in line to check out.  Yet, there are only three registers open.  So I stand behind the person who looks the most promising.  She starts putting her stuff on the conveyor belt and it puts it into two purchases.  And she has enough coupons to fill a small school bus.  Wait.  A LARGE school bus.  I look behind me.  There's already a line.  I'm trapped.

The clerk rings up the first purchase.  And the woman scowls, "Um, something didn't ring up correctly.  It's either the marshmallows or [she was mumbling at this point, so I'm not sure - but it's safe to assume it wasn't an Ultra-Health Food]."  The clerk looks back and says, "Well, I'll have to void the payment and see what didn't qualify."  She swipes her card, "It should all qualify.  That was my food purchase."

The line behind me is growing.  People are fidgeting.

So the clerk voids it out.  Hits a few buttons and says, "Ah.  The marshmallows didn't qualify."  This does not please the woman, "They should.  They're a food item."  [Personally, I think that's up for debate.  Just sayin'.] So the clerk hits a few more buttons trying to figure out why, "The system is saying that they are acceptable for the coupon."  "Maybe it wasn't entered correctly.  You know, on your end.  Maybe you did something wrong."

Now, I've worked in retail.  I know how tough it can be.  I know there's things that are harder than most people think.  Scanning things on a conveyor belt is not one of these.  There's really not TOO much you can screw up.  But, apparently, Miss Mary Sunshine does not realize this.

So, the clerk scans the marshmallows again.  And, again, they are not valid for the coupon.  The woman starts waving the coupon, "But they're food!  And from Kraft!"

The people behind me have sent out scavengers for food.  Fires have been started to keep everybody warm.

The clerk is flustered and finally enters in some code to knock the price of the marshmallows down.  10 cents.  This woman got livid over 10 cents.  Seriously, if I had known this I would have reached into my pocket and handed her a dime.

So we get through her first purchase.  I offer the clerk a warm smile and seriously contemplate a fist pump to show solidarity.  I decide, wisely, against it.  She gets through everything and starts to scan the cat food.  The Empress speaks, "All the cat food back there is marked $1.84.  All of it.  If you have to call and send somebody back there and check, that's okay.  I'll wait."

Oh, really?  That's okay because you'll wait?  What about the rest of us, huh?  The line behind you whose population now rivals that of a 3rd World Country?  And it's cat food!  Isn't Mr. Whiskers worth the extra 5 cents?

I swear I hear the clerk whimper as she scans the cat food.  Thankfully, it comes up as $1.84.  I sincerely hope Mr.  Whiskers enjoys his Tuna Medley Surprise.  Although, between you and me, I don't want a Tuna Medley Surprise.  I don't like surprises in my tuna.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Things I Learned In 2010

So 2010 has drawn to a close.  It has been an interesting past 365 days.  Entertaining as hell - to say the least.  So as we usher in 2011, I just wanted to share some things I learned over the past year:

  1. Chinchillas make wonderful pets.  They're adorable AND great training for having a three year old
  2. You learn a lot about yourself when you live alone
  3. You do some STRANGE things when you live alone
  4. I'm a lot stronger than I think I am
  5. Sometimes popcorn and sorbet are a perfectly acceptable dinner
  6. I love cream soda
  7. My will power is insanely strong
  8. Hitting your elbow can make you pass out
  9. Passing out at work can cause concern among your coworkers
  10. I like country music.  (Okay, fine, I knew this one.  But I'm admitting it out loud without shame.)
  11. I like being a brunette
  12. Sometimes difficult things in life are totally worth it
  13. I love Disney Princess movies
  14. I want to be like Belle
  15. I believe in magic
  16. Reading my horoscope is fun
  17. I live 5 minutes from work, but if I'm cutting it close I can make it in 3 minutes
  18. Warm blankets rock
  19. I love my bunny slippers
  20. I am honestly quite excited to start 2011