Friday, December 31, 2010

After the dust of Christmas has settled

I can't believe Christmas was just barely a week ago.

Where did the time go?

Anyway, I hope everybody had a FABULOUS Christmas.

I got some fantastic things this year.

I love all things Evita.

I'm still a kid at heart.

Don't judge. It makes me happy.

You try scooping pasta out with a spoon and fork.  Not.  Easy.

A rather scary looking knife.  Slices, dices, chops and wards off home invaders!

A super cute sifter.

My Keurig machine with hazelnut syrup which is tasty if

you mix it with dark hot chocolate!  Then it taste like melted Nutella in a cup.  Yum!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!

It's kind of strange to realize that Christmas is here (and nearly gone) already!  Perhaps this is because I work in retail and we plan for Christmas early.

In June.

No, I'm not kidding.

Anyway - just wanted to say


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Cookies, cookies, cookies!

If you want to feel Christmasy in a flash...just put up a live tree and bake cookies!  Let me tell you, your place will smell FANTASTIC!

Especially if you make Snickerdoodles!

Or chocolate shortbread!

Or mint chocolate chip cookies (aka Grinch cookies)!

Or cut out cookies!

So...need a little Christmas?  Spray the Pine-Sol (or, you know, get a real tree and real pine smell) and bake up some cookies!  You'll be feeling Christmasy in no time!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Stories from the Front Lines of Retail

I work at a retail store in the historic shopping district of a small-ish town.  It's popular with all sorts of people: tourists, people with more money than sense, rude people, smart people, nice people, idiots, etc.  This can lead to some interesting stories.  Some stick out more than others.  This is one of my favorite exchanges of the day:

"So, if I don't see a jar of you not have it?"
"Uh, no.  I can jar it up for you." (That's me, by the way.)
"So you'll jar it up?  In a jar, right?"
"Yeah, I'll jar it up for you."
"But that will be in a jar, right?  Because I want it in a jar.  So, you'll jar it up?"

At this point I just smile broadly and go jar it up.

Seriously.  It's not rocket science...

Merry Christmas to me!

I got a tree.

Yes, a Christmas tree.  A real one - for the first time in almost twenty years.

I had kinda given up on getting one, to be perfectly honest.  I figured because I was working so much that I just wasn't going to get to it this year.  But I was pleasantly surprised!

Monday night (when it was frozen tundra temperatures) I texted my best friend if she wanted to go get my tree that night.  She said no but that she was free Tuesday night.  So I thought, "What the hell?  I have nothing going on Tuesday night.  Let's go get a tree!"

Side note: no, it wasn't much warmer Tuesday night.

Anyway, we get to the tree lot.  I realize that A) I know nothing about trees and B) I have no stand for my tree.  Thankfully, the man at the lot couldn't have been nicer.  He helped me pick out a really nice tree (8 feet for $45!) and cut it to fit.

My best friend and I get to Meijer.  We scrounge around for lights and a stand.  They only had one.  And it's for trees no larger than 7 feet.  Weeellll....we'll just say a little prayer that it works.

We get back to my apartment, unload the tree and get it upstairs.  Smartly - we moved the furniture BEFORE the tree arrival.

Get it in the corner.

Put on lights.




My FIRST Christmas tree!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Winter Driving

So, I drove out to my parents for dinner in the midst of a winter storm.  Watching the weather you would have believed that it was the storm to end all the storms.

Pfft.  Please, it was an awful lot of hullabaloo about nothing.  At least where we were at.  I mean, sure.  There was some blowing snow but as long as you use your brain (you know, the electric jelly located between your ears) it was fine.  Just don't go too fast and you'll make it to your destination all fine and dandy.

Having not driven in winter weather out to where my parents live - in the middle of cornfields - in quite some time I was a tad nervous if I would forget how to drive in the snow.  Honestly, this is one skill that I do not want to get rusty on.  Mostly because I figure that I would remember at some point while almost dying and pull the car over and listen to my heart pound in my ears...baBoombaBoombaBoombaBoom....

I am pleased to say, that it is like riding a bike!  Well, I'm sure it is if I could actually ride a bike.  But, I digress.  And that's another post for another day.  Short of a few rough patches, I made it out there alright.  Sure, I had to go about 35 on a 55 mph road...but in these conditions that's alright!

For those who don't drive out in the country during the winter all that often, roads can kind of be rated on how fast you can go:
55+ : Snow, what snow?
45 - 55: Eh, be a bit cautious, but you're alright
40 - 45: Okay, things are getting a bit dicey...just pay a little more attention
30 - 35: Roads are not great, but just keep both hands on the wheel and you're okay
20 - 25: Holy off, cell phone silent, hands gripping the steering wheel with ninja grip
15 - 20: Mother of're still allowed to drive in this?  Time to start singing "Jesus Take The Wheel"...
10 - 15:  Start praying.  Jesus, Buddha, Brahman....they're all your buddies now!
5 - 10: WHY ARE YOU DRIVING? Park the car, walk home.  It's not worth it.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


I wanted to post this before I remembered exactly how much I hate winter.  Right now, it's still kind of novel and pretty.  That should all change promptly tomorrow when I leave for work.  The temperature is supposed to plummet and the winds are supposed to pick up.  Hooray.  But, before then, I want to at least acknowledge that some people do enjoy winter.

The white streaks are not an error (well, fine...maybe a "user" error).  It was snowing at a pretty good clip and my camera capture them this way.  I think it looks kind of cool. 

 I realize, that it may also look slightly "Narnia"-esque...

As I said - I am not one of them and never will be.  But, for a moment, it is kind of pretty.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


I have grown up with musical soundtracks.  By the time most kids were singing "Wheels on the Bus" I was belting out "Music of the Night" in the backseat.  I knew the entire libretto to The Phantom of The Opera.  I was 4.  I also believed that I could walk through my mirror much as the way Christine did.

My full length mirror hung on the wall opposite my door.  I would dress in my "dressing gown" (okay, so it was a robe.  I was 5) and open the door.  I would walk down the hallway and then run and try to leap through my mirror.

I'm not sure if I fully believed I could walk through it.  But I know I tried on a number of occasions.

Let's just say that I had an active imagination.

I still have a fascination with full-length mirrors.  And brown hair (I'm naturally blonde).

I was watching the movie the other night (not the Lon Chaney version, the musical) and realized that my living room is decorated to match.  Seriously.  If I just paused "Masquerade" on my TV it would look like a piece of custom art hanging on my wall.

What do you know.  It kind of does.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

An Open Letter to All the Idiots Who Accost Me about My Psoriasis

To Whom It May Concern:
                I am aware that I have psoriasis, okay?  I’ve lived with it since I was 4.  Seeing as I’m now 24, halfway to 25, I have become very adapted to living with it. I understand that you may have never accounted someone who looks like this.  Fortunately, I made it through public school with a skin disorder and have developed a pretty thick skin (pun intended).  What this means for you is that when you commit one of the following egregious errors I have taught myself not to violently snap your neck.  So, please, read the following list and keep them in mind when you encounter someone who you suspect may have psoriasis.

1.        What you think are innocent questions
Look, I get it.  You see me and notice that I, well, look a little different.  First of all, let me point out, that I take fantastic care of my skin.  At most it’s a few read blotches and maybe some pale patches.  Nothing extreme, for the most part I look like a normal girl in the western suburbs.  But back to my point, you notice and ask one of the following:
a.       Oh my god, is that a rash?
b.      Is that poison ivy?
c.       Honey, what did you get in to?
d.      Are you allergic to something?
I know, you’re just nosy and want to ask.  But, don’t.  Okay?  How would you feel if I walked up to you and went, “Oh, wow.  Has your nose always been that big?”  or “Have you thought about having that mole on your cheek checked out?  It’s HUGE.”
2.       “What’s wrong with you?”
Pardon me, but what’s wrong with you?  That question is insulting NO MATTER THE CONDITION.  If somebody is in a wheel chair, would you march up to them and ask?  What about an amputee?  It’s just rude and inconsiderate.
3.       Doing any of the above while I’m at work
Look, while I’m working I am only obligated to answer your questions about what is being sold in the store and ring you out.  Other than that, I do not have to answer any of your questions.  Got it?  So if you ask and I don’t respond, for the love of God, don’t keep asking.  There’s a reason I’m not answering. I find it rude, and so do my coworkers.
a.       Side note: If you find it necessary to grab my hand/arm/shoulder/etc and screech, “OH MY GOD, HONEY, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” whilst I am working and the store is full of people, I may find it necessary to douse you with a glass of water.  You have been warned.
4.       Refusing to: touch anything I have, sit next to me, shake hands, be in the same swimming pool as me AND make a huge honking deal out of it.
Seriously.  It’s not contagious.  Or AIDs.  You’re not going to die from it.  It took me a number of years to stop feeling like a freak, thank you for bringing back those fond memories.  If you don’t want to, fine.  Just don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?
5.       Misc
a.       Don’t say (as one cretin in high school did) “What the hell is that?  AIDs?”  Just a quick shout out to my health teacher who laughed at the kid and did nothing to help me out.  Thanks.  You’re my hero.
b.      When it’s first summer and I’m wearing short sleeves/shorts/dresses and my skin is a little drier and psoriasis is a tad noticeable.  The sun helps, and I haven’t had a lot of it because it’s been winter.  IN CHICAGO.  Don’t have this following exchange (yes, this really happened about 7 or 8 years ago.  To me.):
                GIRL: So, you’ll be back at 2 or 3 in the morning?
                WOMAN: Yeah.  (looks at girls’ legs)  What is that?
                GIRL: Hmm? (looks down) Oh.  Psoriasis.  I’ve had it since I was 4.
                WOMAN: Wow.  That looks awful.  So you can’t really wear skirts or anything, huh?
                GIRL: (tries to point out she’s wearing shorts) Well, uh, I am wearing shorts…I mean…in
                the summer it’s better
                WOMAN: (still being an ignorant bitch) Yeah, but you’re a girl.  That’s got to suck.

So, thanks to everyone who has attempted to derail my self esteem and confidence.  You totally rock. 


Sinuses and Open Blinds

I never get sick.  Ever.  I think I can count on one hand the times that I can remember being sick.  So, I was thrilled last week to come down with a cold.  Which happened right after I dropped my car off - but that's another story for another day.

I thought I had finally kicked it out of my system for good.  Well my sinuses strongly disagree.  Don't worry, I won't go into details.  But I believe I'm developing a sinus infection.

However, I did discover today that there is one thing that instantly make a room feel better.  And, I believe, make you feel better.

Well, apart from knocking yourself out on cold medication...

What is it?  Open the blinds!  Regardless if it's cloudy or sunny letting the outside world in reminds you that there's more out there than there is in your "sick den" (what I call the place you set up camp when you're sick)

So - wish me luck!  I'm off to buy Sudafed and say a silent prayer that I can get this out of my system without having to visit a doctor...

And a bonus item:  a cute fuzzy pet will ALWAYS make you feel better!

Sunday, November 14, 2010


I think that word fits me in a nutshell.

I constantly surprise people by the stuff that I like and don't like.

I'm terrified of heights, yet I have no problem shinnying several feet in the air up a palette rack.  I don't have an athletic bone in my body but I LOVE watching sports.  I am exceptionally low maintenance, but I have enough make up to supply a small army.

Granted, a cross dressing army...but I digress.

So...we arrive at the name of this blog and how I choose to define myself.  I'm not much of a drinker, but when I do drink I LOVE whiskey.  And wine.  My mom once said that I was like somebody wearing a ball gown with cowboy boots.  But I think this has a better ring to it!