A Small Laugh

So tonight I went to Meijer to pick up stuff for dinner.  Because I was not cooking tonight.

It wasn't anything special - just fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

So as I was going through the self checkout station a coupon printed out for $4 off a Benefiber product.

Touché, coupon machine, touché.

Happy 4th of July

Hope everyone is having a FABULOUS Independence Day!

I don't know how the weather is where you are, but it is absolutely gorgeous here.  It's nice, warm, sunny - and - supposed to be clear tonight for fireworks!

Go outside - eat hot dogs and hamburgers.  Grill some chicken.  Have some corn on the cob.  Perhaps listen to a baseball game.  Enjoy a beautiful summer day. Indulge in some ice cream.

In case you're having trouble getting in the spirit (I can't imagine why) listen to this song:



Happy 4th of July!!!

Scattering the Pieces of My Heart and Soul

A funny thought struck me recently.

I was sitting on my couch watching TV and I realized that I missed Tennessee.  Yes, I was only there a week ago but I was missing it.  Which got me thinking - why?  How do I miss a place I haven't spent much time in?

I also miss New Orleans.  And Florida.  And Memphis.  I can close my eyes and am instantly transported to these places.  What is it that happens that makes it feel as though I am right there?

I think it starts when I get to go out and see the area around where I'm staying.  When I get to know the state and it's geography.  Sitting at an intersection and looking around.  Seeing it's lumps, bruises, bulges and valleys.  Watching the way the sun reflects off the stream or hides behind it's hills.  How the wind whistles through the trees or glides around the buildings.  Listening to the birds sing and the cars rumble by.  Feel the way the heat bounces of my skin and the humidity makes my hair stick to my neck.

It's having my best friend next to me and laughing.  Making our own inside jokes and surviving heat and terrible storms.  Eating fabulous food.  Seeing and hearing things that I can't experience at home.  Learning how people drive in cities other than your own.  Smiling at people you don't know.  Being a little loud.  Trying a new cocktail.

And then I realized: it's all these things that make me leave part of my heart behind and have a fragment of my soul stay without me.

People talk about travel making you feel more whole.  I disagree.  If you're traveling correctly, you should leave parts of you behind (no, not your toothbrush).  The more you travel the more you should have pieces of yourself scattered about.  To me, that's what travel is about.

CMA Music Fest: Day One; Or How I Almost Became A Statistic

Oh, dear Lord.  So many stories to tell.  So, so, so many.  But, I will try to keep this (relatively) short.

For those of you who don't know the CMA Music Fest is an outdoor music festival where all the country singers come out and there are concerts, meet and greets, and autographs.  The city of Nashivlle, TN is overrun by a bunch of crazed country music fans.

A bunch of sweaty country music fans.  But I digress.

This year my best friend and I went.  I've actually been here since Monday, but the festival officially started yesterday.

I was so excited.  Gary Allan was the first one I was going to see.  I looooooooooove Gary Allan.  So, of course, do several hundred other people.

Mmmmm....nothing like the smell of sweat and beer at 10 in the morning

Amy and I stood patiently as several other people shoved their way by.  I don't know why....it's not like we were standing in the back for fun.  Eventually, Gary Allan took the stage.  And I was excited and started taking pictures.  Except, well, due to the sun I couldn't see my display.  So I had to use triangulation to try and find him.  I think I got a few decent ones...

This is a game I like to play called "Find Gary".  He's in the bottom left corner.

 Hmm, okay.  No.  Not so much there.  Jesus, it's hot out here.  Maybe I can get a water bottle....Oh!  Oh!  He's playing a favorite song!

Better...you can see him but he's not in the middle

 Good, God.  It feels like I've been standing in the sun for hours!  It's had to be at least...15 minutes.  Splendid. 

Ignore the man's shoulder and - BOOM!  Pretty good pic!

Okay, I can do this.  It's his last song - another favorite.  I can make it.  The nausea is perfectly normal.  I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

I can't do this.


I knew something was wrong then.  I took off to find water or Gatorade.  Anything, really. As I walked away from the river and old, familiar feeling creeped back.  I was going to pass out.  In the middle of a crowd.

Immediately my mind began to concentrate on what I knew: Gatorade, shade, food.  Preferably in the order, but any order would do.  So I kept walking as my vision faded.  And, by faded, mean was practically gone.  It would flicker in like cable during a bad storm.  I had to use various things to guide me and keep me upright.  Which was tricky because I was going down.  As I was walking I kept saying to myself, "You can do this.  You are not passing out here.  Amy will kill you.  You can't afford to go to the hospital.  You can do this.  Just get some sugar and liquid in you."

I found a shady corner that I could duck down in.  So I did.  While the people around me started talking.  "There's going to be a lot of people suffering from heat stroke today."  "Yeah.  Look at this one.  I don't think she's going to make it."  "Yeah, she doesn't look so good."

Yes.  There was a group of adults looking at a young woman who was not doing well and all they could do was comment on it.  Not offer a chair or a bottle of water.  Now, there is one more helpful thing to do when you're about to pass out (or are 99% there in my case) get your blood pressure up.  Well, my friends, this got my blood pressure up.  I grabbed money out of my purse and stumbled (yep, still have practically no vision) and found SOMEBODY that was selling food.

Those were the best damn fries I have ever eaten.  [Side note: the guy selling them was super nice.  They were $5 and I got them for $3 - probably because he could tell I was not okay.  Unlike the weasels in the corner.]

Oh - Yes, Mom, I'm OKAY.

I get some Gatorade and head back over to Amy.  Who then left to get her own Gatorade.  Which is when I had my brief brush with fame.  Which I'll tell you about later.

For now, I have to hop in the shower and get ready to do it all over again!

Battle: Dressing Room

I'm going on vacation soon, so I thought it might be nice to pick up a few new things.  Especially since I'm going to fan fair (excuse me...CMA Music Festival) and it's going to be hot and all outside.

Wondering through the racks of clothes, I see very little that I like.  Everything is covered in ruffles.  I am not a ruffle girl.  But, regardless, I find a couple things that I think are cute.  I grab a few different sizes and head over to the dressing rooms...which are closed for cleaning.  Fabulous.  Because I want to walk farther to find the portals of hell.

I mosey on over to the other dressing rooms in the store, make sure that the door is locked, and set up the dressing room.  I don't know about you, but I get disappointed if it has less than three hooks.  At lease one for "yes', "no", and "not yet tried on".  This one had two.  Off to a fantastic start!

Standing back, I look at the clothes and try and decide how much I hate myself.  I decide that full on self loathing is the way to start and grab a pair of capris.

Slowly, I slide in front of the mirror and....GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!

Except I was not doing a merry little jig.

Okay, I say to myself, Let's start with the positive.  They're the right length.  And you can breath.  And they're coming off right now.


I put them back on the hanger and throw them on the bench - aka the "Hell No pile".

I reach for the other pair of capris because, my friends, I really hate myself.  I put them on and stand in front of the mirror.

These, Ladies and Gentlemen, are what my legs resembled.

Jesus Christ!  What is wrong with me?  Capris, Amanda?  Seriously? 

I shimmy out of those in a big, big hurry.  Okay.  Time to grab the dress I picked up.  It's purple and loose and should pose no immediate problems...

Honestly?  I wasn't even surprised at this point.

Good God in Heaven!  Are those...my hips?  That is fantastic color on me though...

Moving on.

I reach for a halter top.  Now.  In this universe, this should be adorable on me.  It has the right cut, the seams are all in the right places.  Maybe, maybe, this will be my salvation.  Not paying any attention, I grab the smaller of the two.

Big mistake.  Big.  Huge.

I put it on and notice that it's a little...snug.  And that someone has zipped part of its belt into itself.  Fan-freaking-fabulous.  I wrestle it down, tie it behind my neck try to zip it down and...no.  It's not happening.  This just keeps getting better and better!  Alrighty.  Time to take this monstrosity off.

Just unzip this, untie that and voila...it's not moving.  Fine.  Don't freak out, I tell myself, You got yourself in this, it has to come off.

Gathering myself, I hold one arm straight up and use the other arm to jerk it up.  It moves, maybe, a fraction of a millimeter if I'm being generous.  Perhaps, I reason, maybe I should stick my arms inside the shirt and try to shrug it off that way.  I discover that, no, no this is not way this should be done.  Because now - now I resemble Gus from Cinderella.

Only, I wasn't nearly so adorable

I am now frantically praying that parts of my anatomy will shrink to a more prepubescent stage.  Finally, through a combination of twisting, turning, and sheer will I force the stupid thing off.

I don't even want to try on the larger size.

I walk out, put the clothes on the helpful rack (supposedly) by the exit.

And promptly walk into another dressing room.

I hate trying on clothes.

Swimming Pools

So, last night, my best friend came over.  We were planning our vacation and picking out a hotel to stay in for two nights.  As we were going through our hotel selections (which were slim pickens...hoo boy) she was nervous that we might stay in a not so safe area especially since we didn't know the area that well.

"Let's take a look at the pools."

"Why?  Even if it's in a crappy area it could still have a pool."

"I want to see if it's an outside pool or not."

"Are you planning on swimming?"

"No."

"Then why are you looking?"

"Because I figure if it's an area that you're likely to get shot in, they won't have an outdoor pool."

"...why?"

"Because," I paused, "it would be like shooting fish in a barrel."

25 Things I Learned In 25 Years

So, I had my birthday on Saturday.  It was my 25th birthday, as a matter of fact.  In honor of that, I've compiled a list of things I've learned in these 25 years I've spent on the planet.

Without further ado:

1.) That pan that you have in the 500 degree oven really is as hot as you think it is.

2.) If all else fails, turn on Eric Clapton.

3.) Sometimes, clutching your favorite stuffed animal and having a good cry is the only solution.

4.) In the immortal words of my best friend Amy, "We may not be able to drink the pain away, but we can sure as hell numb it."  Especially true when accompanied by a bottle of wine.

5.) People who consider themselves cultural elitists (aka those whose opinion on music/movies/TV is far superior to yours) are closed minded jerks who are missing the true point.  As long as it makes you feel something and brings you joy how can that be bad?

6.) Chocolate can solve all the world's problems.

7.) No matter how big a deal you make out of the major moments in life, the things you'll remember most are the little things.

8.) Nothing beats a midnight run to McDonald's for sweet tea and fries.

9.) Having your heart shattered to bits sucks.

10.) Always make time for shoe shopping.

11.) Bullies are a way of helping you realize your inner strength.

12.) Never try to explain migraines to someone who has never had one.  They think they're just really bad headaches.  They're not.

13.) Find a place (or places) on the planet that you love.  They make bad days/moments/weeks/months/years better knowing that they exist.

14.) Laugh, for chrissakes.

15.) Have a favorite movie.

16.) Listen.

17.) When the world is closing in and you feel like it can't get better: go for a drive.  Turn the radio up as loud as it can go and roll the windows down.  And drive.  Fast.

18.) Always have a favorite baseball team (go Cubs!).

19.) Be able to talk about sports.  Intelligently.  Same goes for politics and current events.

20.) Have fun, dammit.

21.) Donate as much as you can to causes you believe in.

22.) Having a pet makes a new place finally feel like home.

23.) Never underestimate a good creme brulee.

24.) Working with people you get along with is more important than people give it credit for.

25.) Keep discovering who you are.