Friday, March 25, 2011

Things I Am Tired Of: Please Advise

Maybe it's because I get a lot of emails from customers who are confused.  Maybe it's because I get a lot of customers that are naturally confused.  But I have discovered that I am utterly sick of the phrase: "Please advise."

The thoughts that cross my mind when I read this godforsaken phrase in my email are usually as follows:

"I would like you to fix this problem, but am too much of a wimp to ask straight out.  Please advise."

"I'm going to make this your issue, but want to appear as though I'm concerned.  Please advise."

"I really am a complete snot and have given no thought as to how busy you may be.  Please advise."

"I couldn't care less if I tried.  Please advise."

"I had no idea somebody as incompetent as you could do the job you're doing.  However, I'm striving to appear professional and appropriate so I'm pretending to ask for help when I think I really know the answer.  Please advise."

"Wow.  You screwed up, even though I really did.  Ball's in your court.  Please advise."

"My head is permanently stuck up my rear end.  Please advise."

"I am the epitome of condescension cloaked in politeness.  Please advise."

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