Harpooning An Electric Jellyfish

So, I've lived in my apartment for about a year now.  And, it's taken about that whole year to finally feel like I'm at home.  What do I do when I near that milestone?  Why...redecorate, of course!

When I first moved in I originally wanted to paint my dining room red and had my eye on a lamp.  This lamp, to be exact.  After a year, still fascinated by the idea, I decided to take the plunge.  So I painted the wall red and drove out to Ikea and bought the lamp.

Yes, your astute observation is correct - that wall is, indeed, not red

I was delighted to find that the drive to Ikea was a breeze!  And that, my friends, is where the good news ends.

Women nearly ran over me and I struggled getting my box 'o' lamp down the escalator.  Seriously.  That thing was heavy!

But, I was not to be deterred.  I had my lamp.  I was even nicknaming it.  Imaging all the adventures we'd have together all the fun experiences to come.  So I merrily lugged it from my car, across the parking lot (might as well have been the Adirondacks), up the stairs and into my apartment.

I open the box and see many parts but I persevere.  I screw the post together.  And then start to attach the top.

Now - I apologize for not taking pictures of this Pulitzer Prize winning photographic moment.

The cord does not easily slide through the top, down the pole, and out the base.  Oh no.  I turn the thing on its side.  And pull the cord through.  I swear to God - it looked like I was harpooning something.  The top of the lamp is dilly-dallying along (of course I attached the arms and little votive cups first, I wouldn't want to make this easy).

Once I turned 65, the top of the lamp made it over.  I screw it down, crow triumphantly and plug it in.

Aaaaand the damn thing doesn't light up.

Hmm...perhaps I should've read the directions.

Then I see them.  The bulbs.  A little blurp of glass with two metal prongs.  That fit into two little holes.  Positioned inside the votive cups.

Well, at least it looks pretty

See how much space there isn't?  Yeah.  It's about the size of my fingers.  Wanna guess how fun it is blindly jamming two little metal prongs into two holes you can't see?

So I get all the bulbs in.  While praying and simultaneously cursing, I turn the lamp on.  Choirs of angels sing as it miraculously turns on.

I swear...it looks less sad and wilty in person

Okay.  Fine.  It's not so miraculous.  I installed all the bulbs and plugged it into an electrical outlet.  Just let me have this moment...