Stories from the Front Lines of Retail: How to Endear Yourself to No One

I'm aware that most people forget that those who help them in retail locations are people and not faceless, soulless automatons.  For that reason, I have compiled the following list of egregious errors.  If you wish to receive the best customer service please keep the following in mind in a retail situation.

1.)  If your total is less than $20 do not pay with a $100 bill.  Now I have to give you all my change and the person behind you has to wait because you're self important.  If you don't have a smaller bill, pay with a credit card.  We don't mind - seriously.

2.) If a sales associate is helping you, don't grab her.  Or him, for that matter.  I am not your slave.  Wife.  Daughter.  Girlfriend.  If you grab me - I will cease being nice to you.  Especially if you do so after I answer another customer's question and you respond my grabbing my arm and shouting, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!  You're still with me, right?"  What is this...the Stone Age?

3.) If you ordered something from us and there was a RECORD BREAKING BLIZZARD understand that we do not control UPS.  We cannot control that the package is sitting in the same city for a few days.  Don't chew us out because there was a RECORD BREAKING BLIZZARD.

4.) 9 times out of 10 I break/bend/shatter the rules for the person who is inconvenienced but nice to me.  If you're a jerk, I dig my heals in.  The ruder you are the less I bend.  Most people in retail subscribe to this theory.  Keep that in mind.

5.) Just because I work in retail does not mean I'm an idiot.  So, unless you're positive I'm in high school, keep the "Aww...you're saving up for college and going to get an education" to yourself.

6.) Don't be afraid to be proactive when looking for help.  Standing in the corner and staring at me doesn't make me want to help you.  It makes me want to run screaming the opposite direction.  It's creepy.

7.)  Don't just grunt when we say "thank you" (or something along those lines).  We really mean it - without you we don't have jobs.  And if we say "have a nice day" we mean it.  Unless it's a big box store and is something they have to say.  In that case, if they add something extra - acknowledge it.

8.)  Be nice to us.  We do talk about you as soon as you leave.  If you're super nice - we want everyone to know so you get great service.  If you make us want to bash our head's in with a car door, we want our coworkers to know about it as well!

9.)  Watch.  Your.  Children.  Nothing induces a migraine faster than a store full of customers and three rambunctious small children running around and moving our product around.

10.)  Don't ask for something to be custom made and then bark at as at the last minute that you need it super quick because you have to be somewhere 10 minutes ago.  Pick something already made.  We'll work as fast as we can, but it's going to take as long as it's going to take.