25 Things I Learned In 25 Years

So, I had my birthday on Saturday.  It was my 25th birthday, as a matter of fact.  In honor of that, I've compiled a list of things I've learned in these 25 years I've spent on the planet.

Without further ado:

1.) That pan that you have in the 500 degree oven really is as hot as you think it is.

2.) If all else fails, turn on Eric Clapton.

3.) Sometimes, clutching your favorite stuffed animal and having a good cry is the only solution.

4.) In the immortal words of my best friend Amy, "We may not be able to drink the pain away, but we can sure as hell numb it."  Especially true when accompanied by a bottle of wine.

5.) People who consider themselves cultural elitists (aka those whose opinion on music/movies/TV is far superior to yours) are closed minded jerks who are missing the true point.  As long as it makes you feel something and brings you joy how can that be bad?

6.) Chocolate can solve all the world's problems.

7.) No matter how big a deal you make out of the major moments in life, the things you'll remember most are the little things.

8.) Nothing beats a midnight run to McDonald's for sweet tea and fries.

9.) Having your heart shattered to bits sucks.

10.) Always make time for shoe shopping.

11.) Bullies are a way of helping you realize your inner strength.

12.) Never try to explain migraines to someone who has never had one.  They think they're just really bad headaches.  They're not.

13.) Find a place (or places) on the planet that you love.  They make bad days/moments/weeks/months/years better knowing that they exist.

14.) Laugh, for chrissakes.

15.) Have a favorite movie.

16.) Listen.

17.) When the world is closing in and you feel like it can't get better: go for a drive.  Turn the radio up as loud as it can go and roll the windows down.  And drive.  Fast.

18.) Always have a favorite baseball team (go Cubs!).

19.) Be able to talk about sports.  Intelligently.  Same goes for politics and current events.

20.) Have fun, dammit.

21.) Donate as much as you can to causes you believe in.

22.) Having a pet makes a new place finally feel like home.

23.) Never underestimate a good creme brulee.

24.) Working with people you get along with is more important than people give it credit for.

25.) Keep discovering who you are.

Bullying

So, I know lately that this blog has taken a rather unfunny turn.  I'll try to fix that soon, I promise.  But not today.  No, today is a result of a...discussion.  We'll call it that.  I had a discussion (rather heated, I might add) at work with a coworker.  It came up as we were talking about cyberbullying because of this*.  Which turned to regular bullying and he said, "It's no big deal.  People need to toughen up.  I mean, come on, everybody had that one person who picked on them in school."

Being picked on is an annoyance.  Like a mosquito.  Somebody who might taunt you periodically about your hair.  Being picked on is easy to let go.  Just have it roll off your back.  So much of the advice about bullying is advice on how to handle teasing.

Bullying and being picked on are two entirely different things.

How do I know this?  I was teased.  Horribly as a kid and through a good part of high school.  I could go over lots of scenarios, but I won't because I've covered quite a few here.  High school was miserable for me.  I know high school was miserable for a lot of people.  I don't pretend that mine was the worst experience, because I know it wasn't.  I was lucky - I had quite a few friends.  I didn't get beat up.  I had people to talk to.  Most people I work with don't know my entire high school history and, to be perfectly frank, they don't need to.  It's not important or necessary for day to day functions.  I'm not going to go over the whole thing right now, but I will cover part of it.

Bullying takes a lot of forms.  It is constant.  It is daily.  It's like being in a pressure cooked that never lets up. Of being in a constant boxing ring: You against the bully and your inner critic.

That's what bullies do: they feed your inner critic and beat the smithereens out of your self esteem.  They help you see the worst you possible.  They make you realize that every flaw (real or imagined) is visible to everyone.  They hold up the mirror and say, "See?  You really are as hideous and ugly and unlovable as you think you are."

And people say to drown them out.  To ignore them.  To feel good about yourself.  But how can you do that when they've taken away that very foundation from you?  They have destroyed that very thing that you should fall back on.

Bullies don't just tease, that's only one weapon in their arsenal.  That's how they get to you.  It starts small until they find the thing that you are most insecure about and that hurts you the most.  And then they make your life miserable.  And the smaller you feel and the more you wish you could disappear in the background, the bigger and more visible they become.  The more you try to run from them, the harder they chase you down.  And you run until you are exhausted and you stop fighting.  And you let their words and actions rain down on you and wear you out even more.

And every time you look in the mirror or try to think a positive thought that voice, that horrible inner critic comes screaming out at you: "You are a horrible human being."  When your friends or family tell you what you think isn't true you always think, "But you have to say that."  This person who was a stranger noticed you and they noticed that.  And have driven that point  home consistently.

All of you has been chipped away to the core.  You are scared.  Alone.  Empty.  Frail.  Raw.


That is what being bullied feels like.

*I'm not gonna lie, that video is pretty awful but no 13 year old girl who is not a celebrity deserves to be made to cry and some of those comments are simply awful

An Open Letter to All the Idiots Who Accost Me about My Psoriasis

To Whom It May Concern:

                I am aware that I have psoriasis, okay?  I’ve lived with it since I was 4.  Seeing as I’m now 24, halfway to 25, I have become very adapted to living with it. I understand that you may have never accounted someone who looks like this.  Fortunately, I made it through public school with a skin disorder and have developed a pretty thick skin (pun intended).  What this means for you is that when you commit one of the following egregious errors I have taught myself not to violently snap your neck.  So, please, read the following list and keep them in mind when you encounter someone who you suspect may have psoriasis.

1.        What you think are innocent questions

Look, I get it.  You see me and notice that I, well, look a little different.  First of all, let me point out, that I take fantastic care of my skin.  At most it’s a few read blotches and maybe some pale patches.  Nothing extreme, for the most part I look like a normal girl in the western suburbs.  But back to my point, you notice and ask one of the following:

a.       Oh my god, is that a rash?

b.      Is that poison ivy?

c.       Honey, what did you get in to?

d.      Are you allergic to something?

I know, you’re just nosy and want to ask.  But, don’t.  Okay?  How would you feel if I walked up to you and went, “Oh, wow.  Has your nose always been that big?”  or “Have you thought about having that mole on your cheek checked out?  It’s HUGE.”

2.       “What’s wrong with you?”

Pardon me, but what’s wrong with you?  That question is insulting NO MATTER THE CONDITION.  If somebody is in a wheel chair, would you march up to them and ask?  What about an amputee?  It’s just rude and inconsiderate.

3.       Doing any of the above while I’m at work

Look, while I’m working I am only obligated to answer your questions about what is being sold in the store and ring you out.  Other than that, I do not have to answer any of your questions.  Got it?  So if you ask and I don’t respond, for the love of God, don’t keep asking.  There’s a reason I’m not answering. I find it rude, and so do my coworkers.

a.       Side note: If you find it necessary to grab my hand/arm/shoulder/etc and screech, “OH MY GOD, HONEY, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” whilst I am working and the store is full of people, I may find it necessary to douse you with a glass of water.  You have been warned.

4.       Refusing to: touch anything I have, sit next to me, shake hands, be in the same swimming pool as me AND make a huge honking deal out of it.

Seriously.  It’s not contagious.  Or AIDs.  You’re not going to die from it.  It took me a number of years to stop feeling like a freak, thank you for bringing back those fond memories.  If you don’t want to, fine.  Just don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?

5.       Misc

a.       Don’t say (as one cretin in high school did) “What the hell is that?  AIDs?”  Just a quick shout out to my health teacher who laughed at the kid and did nothing to help me out.  Thanks.  You’re my hero.

b.      When it’s first summer and I’m wearing short sleeves/shorts/dresses and my skin is a little drier and psoriasis is a tad noticeable.  The sun helps, and I haven’t had a lot of it because it’s been winter.  IN CHICAGO.  Don’t have this following exchange (yes, this really happened about 7 or 8 years ago.  To me.):

SCENE: 16 YEAR OLD GIRL, 30 YEAR OLD WOMAN.  IN LIVING ROOM, GIRL IS BABYSITTER, WOMAN IS GETTING READY TO LEAVE

                GIRL: So, you’ll be back at 2 or 3 in the morning?

                WOMAN: Yeah.  (looks at girls’ legs)  What is that?

                GIRL: Hmm? (looks down) Oh.  Psoriasis.  I’ve had it since I was 4.

                WOMAN: Wow.  That looks awful.  So you can’t really wear skirts or anything, huh?

                GIRL: (tries to point out she’s wearing shorts) Well, uh, I am wearing shorts…I mean…in

                the summer it’s better

                WOMAN: (still being an ignorant bitch) Yeah, but you’re a girl.  That’s got to suck.

So, thanks to everyone who has attempted to derail my self esteem and confidence.  You totally rock. 

Sincerely,

Me