I am not a high maintenance girl. I'm very low maintenance, in fact I'm practically no maintenance. Which definitely has it's benefits. If push comes to shove I can get ready for work in under five minutes ( (and it often does since I only live 5 minutes from work). Also - this comes in handy because where I work my hands and nails get dirty. In case you guessed, yes I have a terribly glamorous job.
So, it's a little shock to me that I'm jealous of women with beautifully manicured nails.
While I was grocery shopping I decided to pick up a french manicure kit. It was only $5 and I figured it was better than buying another thing of Nutella (man, oh man I could write an entire blog on the chocolate hazelnut goodness).
On my next day off I vegged out in front of Food Network and decided to paint my nails. Then something happened that I can't quite explain. There is no logical reason that shiny nails with white tips and sheer, pink polish should make me feel glamorous. Girly. Pretty. But they DO. I can't quit looking at them. I'm sure my coworkers are sick of me admiring my nails. I work with mostly men, for chrissakes, I get to feel pretty!
Who knows maybe this will inspire me to start doing my hair and wearing make-up.
Ha, made myself laugh there for a minute.
I can think of a bajillion better things to do with that time.
Like sleeping, for instance.
But I'm totally keeping the nails.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Stories from the Front Lines of Retail: Rules to Follow
So, I took an unplanned hiatus.
What? Don't look at me that way. You've done it too.
As has been no secret, I work in retail. And I have been trying to spread the word of how to act in a retail setting since so many people seem to forget basic things. Like manners. And intelligence. Now, I' not saying that all people act this way because I know that not everyone does. So, if you know somebody behaving this way quietly point out the error in their ways. Trust me - every retail person in a 30 mile radius will thank you.
Rule 1: The store is not your ATM. If all you have is $100 bills, don't break them on a purchase around $15. I don't think you're hot stuff for having them. I think you're an enormous PITA (Pain In The Ass) because now I have 10 singles and a drawer full of change for the next person. If you want smaller bills I'm sure the bank would be more than happy to oblige you.
Rule 2: Know the store hours. If you're not sure, call. Or check the internet. Do NOT come in 5 minutes before we close just to browse. Or if you have a giant list. Trust me. I can make your shopping experience delightful or a living nightmare. If you come in 2 seconds before we close just to browse only to tell 20 minutes later that you have a honking huge list, I will not be nice. Nor will any of my coworkers. And, rest assured, we will talk about you when you leave.
Rule 3: Trust me. Seriously, folks. I'm not trying to undermine you. If I do, you'll figure it out, tell your friends, and never come back. Which means that I eventually will be out of a job. I don't want this. I understand that you're being cautious, but when you are clearly doubting everything I am saying it's irritating. On a related noted: I also know the product line better than you ever will so don't tell me that I'm wrong when I tell you that we never carried that product. If you don't believe me, ask me to name our current product line. If you have 20 minutes to spare, I can do it. Most likely alphabetically.
Rule 4: This is not your store. Do not go through our stuff. Use our computer. Go upstairs. Go in the back. Stand behind the register. Come in the back door. Set your children on our counters. You would think this would be self explanatory, but no.
Rule 5: Use your words. Look, I get that our product line is exhaustive and overwhelming. I'm even willing (and happy) to help you find something. However, when you ask me a question like this:
"I'm looking for something...I mean I saw on Oprah...Well, actually, Dr. Oz said that we should...No, wait, it was on the Food Network...Anyway, I think it was red...or was yellow like turmeric, but it wasn't turmeric...anyway I heard that it was good for me and my daughter Jane really likes to cook and she used to be a vegetarian but she's eating meat again and just moved in with her boyfriend who really likes to cook and is originally from Kentucky but has lived here for the past 5 years and I think they're going to get married so I wanted to get her something that's good on chicken."
Yes, friends, I have had actual questions like that. Please. I don't mind your personal stories - I really don't. In fact when I'm getting your stuff for you or ringing you out, they're nice. But if I'm on the phone with you or I haven't even helped you find something yet, ask me the question first. Then share the story. We'll both be a lot happier.
What? Don't look at me that way. You've done it too.
As has been no secret, I work in retail. And I have been trying to spread the word of how to act in a retail setting since so many people seem to forget basic things. Like manners. And intelligence. Now, I' not saying that all people act this way because I know that not everyone does. So, if you know somebody behaving this way quietly point out the error in their ways. Trust me - every retail person in a 30 mile radius will thank you.
Rule 1: The store is not your ATM. If all you have is $100 bills, don't break them on a purchase around $15. I don't think you're hot stuff for having them. I think you're an enormous PITA (Pain In The Ass) because now I have 10 singles and a drawer full of change for the next person. If you want smaller bills I'm sure the bank would be more than happy to oblige you.
Rule 2: Know the store hours. If you're not sure, call. Or check the internet. Do NOT come in 5 minutes before we close just to browse. Or if you have a giant list. Trust me. I can make your shopping experience delightful or a living nightmare. If you come in 2 seconds before we close just to browse only to tell 20 minutes later that you have a honking huge list, I will not be nice. Nor will any of my coworkers. And, rest assured, we will talk about you when you leave.
Rule 3: Trust me. Seriously, folks. I'm not trying to undermine you. If I do, you'll figure it out, tell your friends, and never come back. Which means that I eventually will be out of a job. I don't want this. I understand that you're being cautious, but when you are clearly doubting everything I am saying it's irritating. On a related noted: I also know the product line better than you ever will so don't tell me that I'm wrong when I tell you that we never carried that product. If you don't believe me, ask me to name our current product line. If you have 20 minutes to spare, I can do it. Most likely alphabetically.
Rule 4: This is not your store. Do not go through our stuff. Use our computer. Go upstairs. Go in the back. Stand behind the register. Come in the back door. Set your children on our counters. You would think this would be self explanatory, but no.
Rule 5: Use your words. Look, I get that our product line is exhaustive and overwhelming. I'm even willing (and happy) to help you find something. However, when you ask me a question like this:
"I'm looking for something...I mean I saw on Oprah...Well, actually, Dr. Oz said that we should...No, wait, it was on the Food Network...Anyway, I think it was red...or was yellow like turmeric, but it wasn't turmeric...anyway I heard that it was good for me and my daughter Jane really likes to cook and she used to be a vegetarian but she's eating meat again and just moved in with her boyfriend who really likes to cook and is originally from Kentucky but has lived here for the past 5 years and I think they're going to get married so I wanted to get her something that's good on chicken."
Yes, friends, I have had actual questions like that. Please. I don't mind your personal stories - I really don't. In fact when I'm getting your stuff for you or ringing you out, they're nice. But if I'm on the phone with you or I haven't even helped you find something yet, ask me the question first. Then share the story. We'll both be a lot happier.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Seasons
I love the seasons. Really. Each one has their merits.
Okay. Find. I'm lying. I HATE winter. Moving on.
I really enjoy fall. I think fall is one of the more interesting seasons because it's so drastically different from beginning to end.
It starts off really bright and kind of crisp. The sky is a gorgeous shade of blue, the leaves are beginning to turn, and the humidity and heat start to go away. Then it fades into fall: the deep colors on the trees, more clouds in the sky, and there might be frost. Once it gets into Novembers, it's an entirely different animal. It's grey - but there's still colors on the trees. Then there's that first November day, where it's grey, windy (oh, so very windy) and the contrast between the trees and the sky is awesome. It really is amazing to watch the sky change.
Very rarely is there several days of down pouring rain in September.
I know, I know. At least it's not snow.
Okay. Find. I'm lying. I HATE winter. Moving on.
I really enjoy fall. I think fall is one of the more interesting seasons because it's so drastically different from beginning to end.
It starts off really bright and kind of crisp. The sky is a gorgeous shade of blue, the leaves are beginning to turn, and the humidity and heat start to go away. Then it fades into fall: the deep colors on the trees, more clouds in the sky, and there might be frost. Once it gets into Novembers, it's an entirely different animal. It's grey - but there's still colors on the trees. Then there's that first November day, where it's grey, windy (oh, so very windy) and the contrast between the trees and the sky is awesome. It really is amazing to watch the sky change.
Very rarely is there several days of down pouring rain in September.
I know, I know. At least it's not snow.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
10 Years
I know we have all seen the specials and the articles and the footage of today, ten years ago. To be perfectly frank, I'm tired of seeing it.
So I'm not going to bore you here with my story. I can remember where I was when it happened. And how I felt days and moments after it happened. If I close my eyes I can take myself back there. What I remember most is wondering how we were going to get through tomorrow, let alone 10 years.
The stories from that day that I remember most are the ones of kindness. How everybody just wanted to help one another. And we held hands and put one foot in front of the other. Then one day had passed. Followed by a week. A month went by. Before you knew it, it had been a year. And now? It's been 10 years.
I don't think we should ignore what happened or forget it. But rehashing and revisiting that day isn't going to help anyone. After the crippling fear and overwhelming anger subsided what lasted was pride. Hope. Love.
Those are the very things that we should look back and reflect on. Those are the memories that we should hold onto strongly.
Those are the things that should be celebrated.
So I'm not going to bore you here with my story. I can remember where I was when it happened. And how I felt days and moments after it happened. If I close my eyes I can take myself back there. What I remember most is wondering how we were going to get through tomorrow, let alone 10 years.
The stories from that day that I remember most are the ones of kindness. How everybody just wanted to help one another. And we held hands and put one foot in front of the other. Then one day had passed. Followed by a week. A month went by. Before you knew it, it had been a year. And now? It's been 10 years.
I don't think we should ignore what happened or forget it. But rehashing and revisiting that day isn't going to help anyone. After the crippling fear and overwhelming anger subsided what lasted was pride. Hope. Love.
Those are the very things that we should look back and reflect on. Those are the memories that we should hold onto strongly.
Those are the things that should be celebrated.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Always Check The Lower Level
Sometimes there are moments in my life that I realize are perfectly good metaphors even if I don't intend them to be. Today was one of those examples.
In the town I work in, there was some fancy-schmancy car show. Which meant that there was ZERO parking in the garage behind the store.
Let me rephrase that: people assumed that there was ZERO parking in the garage. Because the upper two levels were all full.
I pulled in the garage and watched people frantically drive in circles looking for a spot. Or stalking some poor soul as they walked to put something back in their car.
When I got into work, my boss asked me if I had any trouble parking. "Of course not," I shrugged, "I parked in the lower level. Nobody ever parks there."
One of my coworkers walked in and apologized for being late because they couldn't find parking. They watched people circling and drove away to park waaaaaaay far away from the store.
I laughed to myself and realized that when you are watching other people go in circles or want to run the opposite direction, turn left. There's probably parking in the lower level.
In the town I work in, there was some fancy-schmancy car show. Which meant that there was ZERO parking in the garage behind the store.
Let me rephrase that: people assumed that there was ZERO parking in the garage. Because the upper two levels were all full.
I pulled in the garage and watched people frantically drive in circles looking for a spot. Or stalking some poor soul as they walked to put something back in their car.
When I got into work, my boss asked me if I had any trouble parking. "Of course not," I shrugged, "I parked in the lower level. Nobody ever parks there."
One of my coworkers walked in and apologized for being late because they couldn't find parking. They watched people circling and drove away to park waaaaaaay far away from the store.
I laughed to myself and realized that when you are watching other people go in circles or want to run the opposite direction, turn left. There's probably parking in the lower level.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Stories from the Front Lines of Retail: How You Can Irritate Me Immediately
So, it's a busy day at work a couple days ago. I'm out in the front of the store and the phone rings. Naturally, I answer it.
"Store Where I Work, this is Amanda. How may I help you?"
"Yes, I just have a simple question. Do you have sweet paprika?" Now, I should have had a clue here that this was not going to be "simple". Nobody prefaces a simple question with saying it's simple.
"Yes. I have Hungarian sweet, California sweet, and Spanish smoked sweet."
"How much is it?"
"Well, that depends on how much you get."
"I want about a cup's worth."
"Alright, that will be about $8."
"Okay. Is it cheaper if I don't get in the jar?"
"Yeah, I can put it in a plastic bag. It'll be $1.75 less."
"But you don't have a bag I can put it in?"
For a brief second I pull the phone away from ear and look at the phone, blinking. "Well, I can put it in a jar but, as I said, that is more expensive."
"I understand that. So you can't put it in a bag."
"I can, it's a plastic bag." Maybe you can see where this is headed. I couldn't. I was purely confused.
Exasperated sigh from her, "I heard you. So there's no bag."
I bite my tongue to avoid screaming, "I have a glass jar or a plastic bag. It zips closed and is plastic. They come in various sizes."
"Honey, that's called a baggie. Say it with me: baggie."
"As I said I can put it in a bag-"
"Baggie."
"Bag. Or a glass jar."
Loud, unnecessary sigh, "I'm trying to avoid plastic."
"I have the glass jar-"
"You don't have a paper bag to but it in."
"Not that's food grade, no."
"What if I bring in my own container?"
"Unfortunately, I can't fill something that came from outside the store. Health department regulations."
Another LOUD sigh, "You don't even have a paper cup?"
"Not that's going to hold a cup's worth. I have Dixie cups."
HUUUUUUUUUUUGE sigh, "FINE. I'm just going to have to think this through and contemplate my options since you are so unwilling to help me. Is there a manager there I can speak to?"
"Actually, ma'am, I am the manager here."
Long pause. "Well, I'm still going to have to think this through."
And she hung up.
"Store Where I Work, this is Amanda. How may I help you?"
"Yes, I just have a simple question. Do you have sweet paprika?" Now, I should have had a clue here that this was not going to be "simple". Nobody prefaces a simple question with saying it's simple.
"Yes. I have Hungarian sweet, California sweet, and Spanish smoked sweet."
"How much is it?"
"Well, that depends on how much you get."
"I want about a cup's worth."
"Alright, that will be about $8."
"Okay. Is it cheaper if I don't get in the jar?"
"Yeah, I can put it in a plastic bag. It'll be $1.75 less."
"But you don't have a bag I can put it in?"
For a brief second I pull the phone away from ear and look at the phone, blinking. "Well, I can put it in a jar but, as I said, that is more expensive."
"I understand that. So you can't put it in a bag."
"I can, it's a plastic bag." Maybe you can see where this is headed. I couldn't. I was purely confused.
Exasperated sigh from her, "I heard you. So there's no bag."
I bite my tongue to avoid screaming, "I have a glass jar or a plastic bag. It zips closed and is plastic. They come in various sizes."
"Honey, that's called a baggie. Say it with me: baggie."
"As I said I can put it in a bag-"
"Baggie."
"Bag. Or a glass jar."
Loud, unnecessary sigh, "I'm trying to avoid plastic."
"I have the glass jar-"
"You don't have a paper bag to but it in."
"Not that's food grade, no."
"What if I bring in my own container?"
"Unfortunately, I can't fill something that came from outside the store. Health department regulations."
Another LOUD sigh, "You don't even have a paper cup?"
"Not that's going to hold a cup's worth. I have Dixie cups."
HUUUUUUUUUUUGE sigh, "FINE. I'm just going to have to think this through and contemplate my options since you are so unwilling to help me. Is there a manager there I can speak to?"
"Actually, ma'am, I am the manager here."
Long pause. "Well, I'm still going to have to think this through."
And she hung up.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Things Not To Do At Movie Theaters
Apparently, we need a refresher on how to behave when watching a movie in public.
Folks - it's not the same as when you're at home, okay?
1) Cellphones.For all that is holy, put it away. Got that? Put. It. Away. I don't care if you're checking a quick text message. The theater is dark and that bright screen is searing my retinas. If it's that important, go outside. Oh. And if you forgot to put your phone on silent...you will be flogged. And humiliated.
2) Keep Your Shoes On. Good God, man, I do not need to see and/or smell that. Especially if you're sitting next to me. Look, I get the need to feel comfortable. I do. However...if you can't go for about 2 hours or so without taking off your shoes - that is a serious problem my friend. One that should be addressed. Immediately.
3.) Sit Still. This is only exempt if I am at Pikachu Meets My Little Ponys At Disneyworld On A Magical Rainbow Of Bubbles And Candy. At that point I can expect to be surrounded by a gazillion hyper, sugar fueled children. If I am sitting in a theater waiting to watch a non-children movie, sit still. Don't mimic the horses galloping by pretending you're riding one. I don't care if you're 12, your parents should have taught you how to behave in public.
4.) Open Your Snacks BEFORE The Movie Starts. Okay. So this one isn't a crime so much as a courtesy. I know it's not your fault that they have sealed your chocolate covered cheese doodles in the world's loudest plastic. But you are aware of this when every time you move the damn bag it breaks the sound barrier several times. Just do everyone a favor, and open it beforehand.
Please, keep all of this in mind. And, if you don't, do not be surprised if my foot goes through the back of your chair next time you're at the multiplex. You've been warned.
Folks - it's not the same as when you're at home, okay?
1) Cellphones.For all that is holy, put it away. Got that? Put. It. Away. I don't care if you're checking a quick text message. The theater is dark and that bright screen is searing my retinas. If it's that important, go outside. Oh. And if you forgot to put your phone on silent...you will be flogged. And humiliated.
2) Keep Your Shoes On. Good God, man, I do not need to see and/or smell that. Especially if you're sitting next to me. Look, I get the need to feel comfortable. I do. However...if you can't go for about 2 hours or so without taking off your shoes - that is a serious problem my friend. One that should be addressed. Immediately.
3.) Sit Still. This is only exempt if I am at Pikachu Meets My Little Ponys At Disneyworld On A Magical Rainbow Of Bubbles And Candy. At that point I can expect to be surrounded by a gazillion hyper, sugar fueled children. If I am sitting in a theater waiting to watch a non-children movie, sit still. Don't mimic the horses galloping by pretending you're riding one. I don't care if you're 12, your parents should have taught you how to behave in public.
4.) Open Your Snacks BEFORE The Movie Starts. Okay. So this one isn't a crime so much as a courtesy. I know it's not your fault that they have sealed your chocolate covered cheese doodles in the world's loudest plastic. But you are aware of this when every time you move the damn bag it breaks the sound barrier several times. Just do everyone a favor, and open it beforehand.
Please, keep all of this in mind. And, if you don't, do not be surprised if my foot goes through the back of your chair next time you're at the multiplex. You've been warned.
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